Two of Hearts
by Tiarhlu
Summary: Valentine's Day approaches, and RJ sees this as a perfect opportunity to hunt for chocolate. He drags a reluctant Ozzie off on a "sweet" adventure. Some RJ/Ozzie awkwardness and fluff.


Two of Hearts

**Two of Hearts**

_Oh it's the most wonderful time of the year! _

_When the chocolate is melting _

_and treating this raccoon to_

_nougaty cheer!_

_It's the most wonderful time of the year!_

_There'll be roses and boxes,_

_with caramel filling near_

_fondue pots out there for show._

_There'll be scary love stories and_

_sales for the glories of chocolates from_

_long, long ago!_

With a youthful bounce, RJ sprung from branch to branch, exposing the patch of forest near El Rancho de Camelot to his song. Screeching birds and leaves scattered in his wake. As he leapt to the next branch, he fell past it, grabbing hold at the last moment as he swung in a complete circle before releasing. Two perfectly executed back flips later, he landed on his feet, arched his back, and threw his arms into the air. He squinted as he scanned the wooded path in search of the family log, where most everyone was hibernating. Upon finding it, he skipped onward, leaping on top to do a skittish tap dance.

_It's the most wonderful time of the year!_

_There'll be too much romancing_

_but tongues will be dancing_

_when candies are near!_

_It's the most wonderful time of the year!_

As he reached his climax, RJ fell to his knees, eyes closing to be one with the final note, which lasted far longer than anyone cared to experience. Had it not been for a sharp poke in the ribs, "year" may have carried through into evening. When he opened his eyes, RJ saw a long, white face staring down at him; the eyes appeared to have recessed and were crossed with streaks of red.

RJ hopped to his feet to meet the eyes. "Why, it's just the opossum I was wanting to see!"

Ozzie looked away momentarily, hugging himself as he shivered from the winter air. "RJ, can you keep it down? Normal animals are trying to sleep for the winter. Why so happy?" He paused, taking a step backward and holding up his hands as though he were expecting to be scolded. "I mean, that's okay that you're happy. But you're, you're singing. And, it's terrible." He held his ears and winced to drive the point home after a few sharp gestures.

RJ licked his lips. "Look what I found!" He held up a red, foil wrapper. It shone and sparkled from the rays of sunlight peering through the forest canopy.

After sniffing it a few times and letting his weary eyes take in the hypnotic shining, Ozzie scratched at his chin as he thought aloud. "Why, it appears to be a red, foil wrapper that once held some kind of sugary human treat."

"Correct!"

"Well it is shiny, but otherwise I see nothing special about it. How is it different from everything else you've found? And why is it worth waking everyone? I'd rather listen to Verne explain the history of docile fungus again than listen to your out of tune warbling. Goodness man!"

"Because it's time for Valentine's Day!" RJ replied matter-of-factly, ignoring the jab at his musicianship. "It's another exciting human holiday!"

Ozzie's whiskers twitched as he continued to rub his chin. "Oh, like the Superbowl?" he asked, gently quirking his brow.

"No, this is much better unless you like pizza and beer. This holiday is a celebration of _chocolate_!" As he emphasized the final word, his teeth flashed and eyes widened.

"Well, I do kind of like pi—"

"—Hush! Let me explain," he interrupted, covering Ozzie's muzzle to speak. RJ's excitement grew until saliva splattered on the wood below with their feet. "Valentine's Day is the time of year when all of the stores are covered in red, but not of blood, simply the red of love. And while I know not much of this, I do know that for humans to express love they must buy each other mountains of chocolate, often in heart shaped boxes, and along with cards full of romantic messages that they did not write. And did I mention the chocolate? It's everywhere! Why, this is the second best day for it next to Halloween! _Halloween_ my easily startled friend!"

With another shiver, although this time not from the cold, Ozzie replied: "I don't recall enjoying Halloween very much. Everyone, including _you_, kept scaring me, and I spent the whole day on my back!"

"Maybe so, but think about the candy! The candy man! You get _that_ without the scary!

"Well I do like those pastel round ones that come in the roll—"

"—Sour Tots," RJ answered with a knowing smirk.

"—and the chocolate with the peanuts and the gooey sticky stuff—"

"—Chuckle Buddies."

"Oh." Ozzie tapped his knuckles together as his tail began to swish. "And I'm quite fond of the orange flavored things that make your tongue tingle."

"Yep, Citrus Fizzers," he replied with a snap. "There will be all of that and more, and I'm going tonight to help myself before the humans get it all. In fact, I want you to get out of your fuzzy shell and come along with me. We can gorge ourselves until we explode! Can you picture it?" He placed a warm hand on Ozzie's shoulder, spreading the other across an imaginary painting.

Ozzie felt his legs wobble. "Explode? I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Oh it's just a figure of speech," RJ said, propping him up from behind before he fainted. "Come on, have I ever asked you to do anything that wasn't the most fun you've ever had?"

Ozzie began to count on his fingers, his tail beating the air. "There was that time you got us gassed and caged, and then that time we got captured by scientists. What else? We were almost eaten by a dog and a psychotic bear, run over by a pizza truck, locked in a freezer, and I don't think poor Duncan's fur has grown back yet after all of that duck tape you put on him. I doubt he'd want to do that again."

RJ had to bite his tongue to stifle a giggle. "And despite all of that, you had fun, didn't you?" he said once the coast was clear.

After a tense moment, a smile found its way onto Ozzie's face. "Yeah," he said with a weak laugh.

"Exactly! Think of how boring your life would be without me! If there's one thing I've learned from everyone here, it's that life is more fun with friends. I'd rather you came with me than have to go alone, and we never get to do anything together. It's always Hammy or Verne or the kids. So what do you say? Are we a team?"

"You really want me to go?"

"I wouldn't want it any other way!"

Ozzie could not hide his smile. "Then consider us a team!" he said, thrusting his hand outward to shake. "RJ, what store do you plan to visit? The Super Mall-Mart has everything."

"No, they're always open. Bad idea," he said as he casually accepted the shake. "We'd never get in without being seen."

"Key-Mart?"

"Better! No one shops there. We'll be safe."

Suddenly a third voice scratched from below. "Hey, why don't both o'you shut your mouths and get to sleep like the rest of us before I come up there and knock you out myself. And I _will_ do it!"

Wide eyed, the two glanced at each other before giving their attention to the direction of the voice. "Sorry, Stella," RJ said. "We'll promise to be quiet. Promise if you get your man to stop snoring so loud."

"What was that?!"

"I said run!" With a hearty tug on Ozzie's arm, they dashed into suburbs.

ooo

As the day began to drift into night, they took a moment to find transportation as every store was too far to make walking practical. RJ strode past the usual gaggle of SUVs and trucks. He wanted to take one, but never fooled himself into thinking he ever could, due to being vertically challenged, not to mention being without the keys; there was also the problem of running out of gas every few miles. Ozzie eyed a three-wheeler in a yard. While gesturing to it, RJ merely grunted, insisting that it was too colorful, and that they would look silly peddling it, especially with the handlebar streamers flapping in the wind. Eventually, they came across an electric scooter that resembled a skateboard with handlebars. "Perfect!" they said together.

They rested behind a pair of tin trashcans while waiting for an opportunity to grab it. The scooter had been left on the lawn, but a middle aged man and his eggplant-shaped son were near it, tossing a football only a few feet apart. The boy could not throw very far, even with the exaggerated wind up and straining that accompanied each toss. The man continued to say that he was going to be a star quarterback one day. _Maybe so_, RJ thought. _In a video game_. After much mopping of sweat and gasping for air, a pizza truck pulled into the driveway, and as the deliveryman stepped out, the boy whooped. He and his father hurried inside with their prey.

Just before, RJ had to swallow the urge to run after the pizza, as did Ozzie. He heard his stomach growling once the scents reached his nostrils: cheese, tomato sauce, garlic crust, pepperoni, sausage, ham, and bacon. Clearing his throat, he motioned to be followed, and then hurried to the scooter once the door had slammed. Much to his relief no one else was around to see them.

"How will we do this?" Ozzie whispered, straddling as close to RJ as he could.

"I'll steer," he said while bringing the scooter upright. "You turn it on—these things have switches on the back—and then hold onto me so you don't fall."

Ozzie nodded after taking a moment to picture the scene in his head. He searched the rear until he found a box that contained the motor, and finally an on/off switch. "How do those large human children ever manage to fit on impossibly tiny toys such as this?" he asked as he flicked the switch. The motor began to hum and whirr, vibrating their ride.

"That my friend is one of the many great mysteries of the universe!" RJ stood as tall as he could and climbed on, gripping the handlebars. Under his right hand was a switch that had the same effect as bringing a car into drive. "I'm ready when you are."

"Um, hold on where?"

"Anywhere that works. I don't want to tell Heather that her father became a road pizza so get a good grip," he said, glancing over his shoulder with a sly smile. "Wait, anywhere but the tail. I don't want it getting mangled," he added with a hint of vanity.

"No tail. Got it." Cautiously he crept onto the rear, placing his naked hands on RJ's hips. He felt the raccoon shiver and then relax, along with the furry ringed tail brushing against his thigh, which caused him to swallow a boulder. "I'm not trying to touch your tail," he said, his voice shaking a tad from the awkward situation. "We're so close I can't help it."

"I'll forgive you _this_ time, " RJ teased as he set the scooter in motion.

The individual blades of grass that they had been able to see became a blur, followed by the cookie cutter row of homes. It took multiple turns, dead ends, unintentional backtracking, and a few close calls with passing vehicles to finally reach the exit. The road before them ended, giving way to a grassy field littered with crushed soda cans and a row of signs foreshadowing an upcoming upscale shopping center. To their left and right was a new road, this one not nearly as well maintained as the pristine pavement of El Rancho. RJ paused to think, using the break as an excuse to stretch his back.

"It's this way," he said after a moment, turning his head to the left.

"Are you sure?" Ozzie asked, glancing in the opposite direction for any sign of their destination. Both options appeared to lead to an endless journey.

"As sure as Hammy likes pistachios."

"He does love his nuts," Ozzie replied.

"Ready?"

He placed his feet on the board, tightly resuming his hold on RJ's hips. The tail mysteriously found its way to his thigh again, although he decided to not make a big deal out of it gave a surprising feeling of comfort that he had not felt in some time. "I think so. Let's hurry."

They sped down the path, not speaking for a while as the wind danced through their fur. The sun had nearly set. All that remained of its warmth was a cascade of colors; bright reds melted into orange, then yellow, and finally rich shades of purple and midnight blue. The wisps of clouds were a dark silhouette watching over the sea of homes below. Soon all of the lights would shine, competing with the stars for prominence in the nocturnal landscape.

Ozzie kept himself entertained by watching the passing billboards. A generously busty woman rose over the horizon with Xs painted over her form. He wondered why her tongue was hanging out as it was, since the look in her eyes did not match the gesture. Shrugging it off as another human peculiarity, he watched as a suited man grew and passed. Have you been injured by a careless driver? Ferrell, Ferrell, Ferrell, Ferrell, and Romhabib-Goldstein. Call 1-800-UNLUCKY. Super Mega Discount Auto Depot: We sell for less unless it's in the fine print. Next was a black sign with white cryptic letters about a missing boy. Ozzie prayed that this God fellow would find his son soon.

"Hey RJ," he said after a while.

"What can I do for you?"

"I was just thinking of how your fur is rougher than I thought it would be."

"Is that so?" RJ said, momentarily glancing over his shoulder. His eyes were two glowing orbs in the moonlight.

"It-it is."

"I'll have you know some parts are softer than others," he said with faux indignation, and then teasing, added: "Maybe you're just squeezing too tightly. Someone might think you were my boyfriend from how you're holding me." Suddenly he heard a weak gasp and felt the hands on his hips weaken. He did not hesitate for a moment to see if his instinct was correct. Releasing one of the handlebars, he turned to his side and gripped Ozzie as firmly around the back as he could. The opossum was nearly limp in his arm. "No no no! You are not doing that tonight! No fainting!"

The reply was no more than a squeak.

"Or no chocolate for you. Now hurry before I lose control of this thing. Then we'll have _two_ road pizzas. Meat lovers."

Ozzie pulled himself up as quickly as he could. His hands found their way back to their former position while RJ returned his attention to the road. He then worked his hands upward to the shoulders, but found difficulty keeping his balance so he reluctantly moved south again, softening the grip.

"I was only joking," RJ muttered. "I don't mind if you hold tighter. I'd rather bring you back in one piece. It's only funny when something happens to Verne, or Hammy. Or Duncan."

"Are you joking this time?"

"No, I mean it. Secure yourself," he said, looking backward once more.

As he was about to face the road again, RJ felt a violent bump. His startled scream matched Ozzie's as he felt his feet leave the board. The world spun. His vision was a blurred, swirling wash of bright light patches that mixed with the land. Before he had time to process what had happened, he slammed into the ground, tumbling for several yards before his momentum dissipated.

"Owwww," he groaned while lying on his back. Taking deep, ragged breaths, he held a hand over his chest and thanked fortune that he had not crashed against the pavement or landed on his head. "Ozzie?" he then called. "Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I-I think so," came a grunt a few feet away. "Are you?"

RJ took a moment to catch his breath, his chest rising and falling in broken movements. A shooting pain in his side crept into his mind as the adrenaline wore off. "Owww yeah, this is why it's important to wear a helmet," he said with a suppressed chuckle. With what began as a labored pace, RJ pulled himself to his feet, springing up at the last moment. "And I demand a recall. This product is not safe for raccoons!"

"Or anyone," Ozzie said as he stood as well, rubbing a throbbing forehead.

"Not at a-oww!" RJ clutched under his ribs and tightly clenched his teeth, sucking in a sharp breath. "Definitely. Need. A warning."

Ears drooping, Ozzie approached him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Just have a bruise." He brushed a few stray blades of grass off of his fur. "Let's hurry. I think we were almost there."

Ozzie squinted through the darkness for any sign of their lost scooter, tail swishing. "Where's our ride?" he asked as he turned his gaze back to RJ.

"I don't know." The road was poorly lit; most of the light came from the glow of the moon. The rest came from distant town lights and the occasional vehicle. He inched closer to the road, doing his best to ignore the knife in his side. As he neared the paved area, his eye caught a glimmer that was too bright to be one of the road reflectors. "I bet that's it." He pointed at the object, although did not glance back to see if he was followed. "I think I see the handlebars."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, come on."

As he took his next step, RJ's ears suddenly perked, painfully swiveling outward to face a rising growl. As it grew nearer, the sound rose in pitch, snarling with increased ferocity until he had to clasp his hands over his ears. An army of bright headlights accompanied the noise, one seemingly unable to exist without the other. His body turned to ice; the chill spread down his spine until his toes numbed and he felt as though he would do his best opossum impression and faint. Horrified, he watched in slow motion as a swarm of motorcycles sped past. He saw the scooter now illuminated by the headlights. He saw the asphalt burning tires. The scene happened so slowly in his mind that he even saw that one of the riders had fourteen zippers on his frayed naugahyde jacket. A percussive crunch joined the roars. Metal and wood shattered, scattering in all directions as each consecutive bike assaulted the mass.

Something flew out of the lights, directly toward him. His breath escaped. He felt a rising swear in its place, and just as he was overcome with the instinct to duck, he felt a tug from behind as he instantly was driven into the ground. The object thudded on the grass, partially sinking into the dirt from its momentum.

RJ blinked, opening his eyes to find Ozzie's filled with worry. Their muzzles were mere inches apart. With breath course and rapid, he tried to sort what had just occurred. His mind was aching from the strain of too much in too short of time. Closing his eyes again, he moaned. "Exciting night," he said after a moment, forcing a smile.

"RJ, are you okay?" Ozzie yelped, gripping the raccoon's shoulders tightly. "If that's exciting, I want to go relax!"

He continued to heave, eyes closed. "I-yeah I am. I could have been killed just now," he said, feeling dead anyway. "Can't complain."

"That wheel almost hit you!"

"Is that what it was?"

"That is most definitely what it was. You should have never gotten so close!"

"I had to save the scooter. But, at least something was saved. I don't know what to say. Thanks."

"I know you'd do the same for me."

"Heh, yeah." RJ's eyes fell to the ground, meanwhile reaching a stalemate with a few inner demons. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around Ozzie's back, giving a gentle squeeze. Even with the occasional car or truck roaring past, the warmth of his friend gave a sense of comfort that he could never take for granted. RJ felt inclined to remain there the rest of the evening, although he would not admit it. He would not allow himself to return empty handed, especially after endangering the life of one that had just saved his.

"Thanks again," he said in a near whisper.

"Anything for a friend." Ozzie continued to smile as he sat to give RJ's chest a gentle scratch. He was treated to a carefree hum. "Do you still want to go to Key-Mart?" he then asked.

Nodding, RJ propped himself up on his arms. Despite the comfort, he partially felt relief from the urge to continue with their journey. An uneasy fear squirmed in the back of his mind of what may happen if they remained. "I didn't come all this way and almost get decapitated for nothing! Of course we are."

"But how will we get there now? The scooter is no more. It is only junk, only scrap, only bits of—"

"—It's gone. I get it," RJ said, interrupting a series of wild arm gestures. He leaned forward until he was on all fours, a position that took less effort and thus aided in thinking. "If I'm where I think we are, then we're close. Could you climb up a tree over there and see if you can see it?" He glanced to the side where a line of trees ran along the road, about twenty feet away.

"Consider it done!"

"Wait. I just realized something."

"What's that?" he asked, tapping his claws together while his ears perked.

"After what just happened, you didn't fall over and die. You usually do. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, RJ," he said, blushing behind his fur as he smiled. He gave a quick scratch along the middle of RJ's back, which was still parallel with the ground. Much to his amusement, his back arched like a cat, sending the ring tailed rump into the air.

A purr followed, but RJ quickly sidestepped. "No one is to know about that," he said sternly, although unable to hide a chuckle. "Verne all ready does, and that's bad enough."

"Will do! I mean won't, _won't_ do!" he said with a gasp, catching himself. Without giving time to invite further awkwardness, he disappeared into the darkness. A short moment later his voice was heard: "I can't get up! There's a fence!"

"Climb it!"

"Oh! Right!"

RJ remained on all fours while making his way to the row of trees. Besides being a welcome change of pace, it helped to take the pressure off of his sore back. It did little to ease the pain on the side of his ribs, but neither would an upright posture. A contented sigh accompanied his walk through the grass; his fingers parted it and conformed to the soft dirt. About halfway to the fence he felt something smooth crinkle under his weight. Glancing downward he caught the remains of a bag of cheese chips in the moonlight. Upon discovering that the bag was empty, he grunted and then continued walking. His stomach swore.

From above came an excited voice. "I see it! I think we can walk through here!"

"Good work!" RJ called up to him. He stood upright once more and then climbed up the fence before leaping onto the tree. Fortunately there was no barbed wire at the top. He eased back down, landing in the grass with a soft thump. While waiting, he idly swirled his toes in the dirt.

_Ta-wump!_

Ozzie landed at his side, nearly performing a curtsy as he caught his balance. He stood straight, gave an outward twirl of his arms, and then offered RJ a generous smile. "Ready?"

"Do you have to ask?" he said slyly. "So which way was it?"

Ozzie pointed over his shoulder. "That way and at the bottom of a hill."

"I'll get there before you!" RJ suddenly said, blowing past him in a blur. The forest had been so sufficiently cleared that it only took a few seconds to make it to the other side. Panting, RJ paused as the grass began to steeply slope downward. He felt a warm, naked hand grip his shoulder.

"Is it really a good idea to run off like that?" Ozzie asked. He stepped back and crossed his arms.

"I knew where I was going, and I knew it wasn't far." RJ imitated the gesture and came close to blowing a raspberry.

"If you insist. I thought you were going all the way to the store, and we might get separated."

"Now I wouldn't do that to you." He paused, eyes zipping to the side before glancing back up with a grin. "Unless of course those double stuffed twinkies were back. Then I may have to go to my one true love."

"I thought your true love was salsa?"

RJ threw his arms into the air. "What can I say? Too much love, not enough me."

"There's never enough you," Ozzie teased, and then made his way down the hill.

The store's parking lot cared for a few cars, most of which were parked near the entrance. Lights every few spaces kept the darkness away, with the exception of the occasional flickering bulb. As they drew nearer, Ozzie used his hand as a visor, squinting into the bright light that momentarily obscured his vision with a flash of spots.

"So, how do you plan to sneak in?"

"Oh, I have a plan. I most definitely have a plan." RJ pulled him behind a parked car while scanning the overhead Key-Mart logo. "Yes, I've got a great plan to get us in there."

Ozzie's tail whipped the air. "You don't have a plan, do you?"

"No."

"So how are we going to g—"

"—hey, not so fast." RJ's eyes became fixated on something at the edge of the store. "I do have an idea now. Ssh. Follow me." He ducked under the car, crawling on his belly. As his head peaked from under the opposite side he found a man opening several shipping boxes off to the side. From each he pulled an assortment of plush animals that were carelessly tossed into a plastic cart.

Ozzie's nose popped out from under the car, sniffing the air before he made his way out from under it. As his eyes joined the path of RJ's he gulped, and then crawled back onto his feet. "Are we really going to do what I think you're thinking?"

"Does Verne bring rain to a sunny day?"

"Well you've certainly had better ideas."

"It's going to work. Trust me! I saw it in a movie once. Now when I tell you to, hop in that cart, and don't move!" he said with a forceful whisper.

"How can I get in if I don't move?"

"Get in, _then_ don't move!"

"Oh."

"Got it?"

"Got it. I hope you know what you're doing."

"I'm eighty-four point three percent positive, yes. Now stay close."

They cautiously hurried toward the man, ducking behind cars, light poles, trashcans, and vending machines. Soon they were in the shadow of the packing boxes, one of which they huddled behind for a moment. "Slight change of plans," RJ said, still keeping his voice low. "For once I actually want you to play dead."

"Really?" he replied, eyes nearly tearing.

"Yeah, fall by the box. And don't be too dramatic this time. You've got to hurry."

Ozzie nodded, and then remained low as he crept around the box on all fours, waiting for the man's attention to be elsewhere, who continued to remove the toys and toss them on the cart at a casual pace. Whistling and humming a few out of tune songs helped keep his pace from being too productive. The man periodically checked his watch, swearing louder each time as though it was going in reverse. Suddenly there was a screech from the front of the building. He looked up and gulped, calling to the harsh sound.

"What?" came the reply. "I'm almost done. No, I haven't mopped yet. Yes, I'll get the carts. I'm having trouble finishing because I keep having to help customers. I can't do everything at once." The last bit was added under his breath as he kicked a nearby box. It went nowhere.

While the man was distracted, Ozzie stood in plain view and held his hand over his heart. His tongue dabbled past his chin, and his eyes grew wide. He moaned, coughed, and gagged, spinning on one leg while his tail became lifeless.

"I said not too dramatic!" came a restrained bark.

"Oh right." Instantly, Ozzie collapsed, giving the parking lot a clear shot of opossum rump.

Meanwhile, RJ trotted out with his hands behind his back, keeping an eye upward to his adversary. He sighed, slumping over as he collapsed as well, landing awkwardly on his arm. He winced, but there was no time to deal with it. "You're going to have to show me how you do this," he whispered into Ozzie's ear. "I don't know how to die properly."

There was no reply, much less movement.

_And my first step can be to stop talking_.

A few more boxes were ripped open, their contents becoming basketballs as they flew to the cart. _Swish_. "Hey, how'd I miss you two?" the man muttered as he noticed the two on the pavement. He yanked Ozzie off the ground by his tail, tossing him with the same respect he gave the stuffed animals. He then lifted RJ in the same manner; his nose wrinkled as he moved him out to arm's length. "Whew, these things are getting so realistic they have their own stink."

RJ found himself on top of Ozzie, their legs pretzeled together while he was forced to turn his head to keep their muzzles from colliding. Looking into his eye was a cheerful white and pink cow with heart shaped spots. Below a similarly toned gorilla gave his aching tail a bit of cushion, while a kitten with droopy plastic eyes and a bow around its neck landed on top of them. "I probably don't have to ask," RJ whispered, "but don't move until I say to." A rainstorm of animals buried him, his vision obscured further with each passing moment.

Resting his eyes, he heard a click, followed by what resembled a handsaw opening a zipper. The latter repeated a few more times. After a second click, footsteps faded into silence, the only sound being the occasional passing of cars in the distance, along with a stray, nasally voiced woman, gabbing without a reply as she walked alongside a squeaking cart, perhaps overloaded with plastic. She did not cease, even as she approached her vehicle. A door slid open with a heavy _ffshoomp,_ and then closed a moment later.

As her voice began to drift from his mind, RJ was left with his thoughts. When would the worker return? How big was the chocolate selection? How would they get home? Why are Ozzie's legs so warm? It better not rain. Were any ribs broken? If Hammy drank a six-pack of energy drinks and then ran due west, would the Earth begin to rotate in the opposite direction? What is the record for most gnomes on one lawn? Bruce Willis is over rated. Why _are_ Ozzie's legs so warm?

The thump of tennis shoes on concrete returned, stopping just before the cart. His eyes and nose stung from the stench of tobacco smoke. "Time to get this crap inside before I get fired," croaked the man before coughing up his spleen. He proceeded to mock his manager, raising his voice until it was shrill, and then barking out what RJ took to be her catch phrases. Finally, the cart began to move.

They rolled up a ramp; plushes tumbled to one side and then back again as they found level ground. The cart stopped. He heard the swish of an automatic door, and then they resumed. Within the same breath he was reminded of the joys of climate control as the store's heat sent a tingle all the way to his toes. Having been outside for so long, he had forgotten that it was still winter. Purring, he took Ozzie's hand and gave a gentle squeeze. "We made it inside," he whispered. "Once they close this place is ours."

ooo

On cue, Ozzie burst forth from the mountain of stuffed animals and leapt off the shelf. Fortunately they were not very high. "I have _never _been so _stiff_!" He moaned in relief as he placed his hands on his lower back and stretched, arching his spine in each direction. His long, naked tail returned to life, beating from side to side; it was still there. "Keeripes, man! I thought we'd never get to move."

"But now we can!" RJ's fur shone under the emergency lights that provided most of the illumination as the main set was out or dimmed for the evening. He opened his mouth in an enthusiastic smile and bounced on his toes. "Come on, let's find the display!"

He sprinted down the aisle, making a sharp turn into the next. Towels and bathmats, soaps and toothbrush holders, shower curtains and mirrors blurred past. He stopped at the end, glancing back and forth. "Toys over there, bathroom here, electronics that way," he muttered, pointing at each. "I bet it's with cards, and those are always near the front!"

"Which way is the front?" Ozzie asked. "I never saw us come in."

"I don't know! But there's only one way to find out!"

A cloud of dust billowed up where a raccoon had once stood. He rounded a few more aisles in the maze before finding an opening that lead to the registers, along with the automatic doors from which they had entered. Craning his neck back he saw a giant paper mache cupid suspended from the ceiling, overlooking a mountain of roses and cards, and finally as RJ began to drool, chocolate. He took a few steps back to better take in the sight, his heart pounding.

"Will you look at that," he said, wide eyes locked on his treasure.

Ozzie casually caught up, stopping at his friend's side. "Is this monstrosity what we came for?"

RJ vigorously rubbed his hands together. "Oh yes. And will you look at that!" He pointed to a cardboard display to the side of the mountain. "Holiday sale: Buy one get one free!"

"But why does that matter? When did you ever pay for something?"

"Hmm." He gnawed on his lip as he thought. "So you're saying it's an even better deal!"

"That's not what I—" Ozzie began, but decided to focus elsewhere. It was not a matter worth arguing. "Where do we begin?"

RJ took a deep breath as he wrung his hands together. He opened his mouth but then paused, exhaling his thought. Finally, he turned to Ozzie, placed his hands on his shoulders, and offered a smile. "Despite nearly getting run over, losing my head, and getting stuffed into a shelf full of soft toys, I must admit I've had a good time tonight. Thanks for coming with me, Oz Man. It wouldn't have been as much fun without you."

Surprised at the kindness, it took a moment to respond. "Thank you for wanting me," Ozzie said, feeling his face growing hot. "You've been unusually kind tonight. Oh dear, you're not dying are you?"

"Of course not! Relax. The only one dying is you when you get frightened. And I must say, you did a great job earlier! That man really thought we were toys."

"And that you needed a bath," Ozzie added, unable to hide a chuckle.

Snorting, RJ crossed his arms. "Which proves that he knows nothing. His nose just can't handle Les Potpourri das Raccoon."

"I'll say!"

"And of course I want you, Fuzzy. You're the marshmallow in my S'mores! Honestly, you're the easiest to be around. You don't take everything personally. You don't talk to shrubbery. You don't have kids attached to you, as cute as those three are. It doesn't sound like you're about to hack up a hairball when you talk, and you don't have a personality that would make even Disneyland the _un_happiest place on Earth."

"Oh, he's not that bad!" After a brief silence, Ozzie added: "Or maybe he is."

RJ smirked. "See? It's true."

"You do have a point. But thanks again for saying you want me to be here with you. I don't feel that way often anymore." His ears and shoulders sunk.

"Don't mention it. Now let's get you something to eat. It's a crime against nature to be sad when you've got such a buffet!" He began to sift through the stacks of treasure, eventually pulling out a small, heart-shaped box. This he mulled over for a moment before presenting it. "I offer you my heart," he added with a smirk.

Ozzie snatched the box from the air. "Now let's see here. What's inside?"

"With those, you never know what you're gonna get! Now try it."

After sliding off the lid, he was greeted by chocolates of various shapes that appeared to have no relation to the next. With a restrained pace, as though about to touch potentially icy water, he chose a piece and lifted it from its home. He held it under the emergency light to get the best view, and then popped it in his mouth. His eyes rose from side to side as he thought, humming and chewing. Eventually, his face lit up like the morning sun. "I like this one!

"And I like these," RJ replied as he slit the plastic film over a box of marshmallow hearts, and then tore off the lid, dumping the contents into an awaiting hand. "Nature's candy!"

"How intriguing. Could I have a nature's candy?" Within a second, he snatched a marshmallow flying his way. After enjoying its spongy texture, he swallowed and felt his body wanting to vibrate a bit. "Oh these _are_ good."

RJ had to finish his own handful before he could speak. "Have a whole box!" he said as he licked a few flakes of pink from his lips.

Ozzie peered inside the box after catching it, his tail swishing with excitement. "You can't hide from me you delectable treasures!"

"That's the spirit dude!" he said, pumping his fist in the air. "Now, let's see what else they've got." He turned and leaned over the table, scanning from side to side. If there was a shortage of anything heart-shaped in the world, they were in the right place; most everything he could see was, including the boxes. RJ's ears perked as he heard something shaking to his side. He turned his head to see Ozzie inspecting a box that also had hearts drawn on its pink side.

"Oh, what are these?" he asked, squinting through a plastic window on the front. "Are they any good? They look so friendly. Look, this one says 'Be Mine,' and this one says, 'You're so sweet.'"

"Whoa! No no no!" RJ yelped, nearly leaping out of his fur as he swatted the box away like a volley ball. It slid across the tile, spinning until it disappeared under the next aisle. "Those aren't edible. They're a trick!"

"Oh." He daintily waved at the empty space under the shelves. "Bye-bye little trick candies."

Turning his attention back to the table, RJ snorted. "And good riddance. Now here's something you'll like. I present to you fudge, with tasty bits of walnuts of course."

Closing his eyes, Ozzie nibbled on the piece. The velvety texture soothed his tongue, while the rich flavor asked it to dance. The sweetness filled his spirit, giving an open invitation for more. "I think that's the most delicious thing I've ever had," he said in a soft voice, eyes still closed. "Is there more?"

RJ casually glanced at the stacks at his side. "I'd say so."

Shivering and then clearing his throat, Ozzie replied, "Fantastic! Oh, I do think all of this is building up quite a thirst. Do we have anything to drink?"

"Oh! Right, now how could I forget that? You just sit tight and I'll get us something," he said and then sprinted into the dark.

While waiting, Ozzie began to feel his body trembling. He glanced downward at his shaking hands, along with his feet that had their own unique rhythm. He knew it was mainly from the sugar so it did not frighten him, but he felt the urge to run to expel some energy. Shrugging, he took a few laps around the display, picking up his speed with each round. When he had had enough, he slid to a stop over the freshly buffed tile, not losing momentum for several feet. Leaning back, he clenched his teeth and then fell onto all fours before finally rolling onto his back, panting heavily. He stretched, flexing his toes and grunting from relief, content to lie still until the drinks arrived.

_You should do that more often_. Brushing down his soft chest, he rested his hands on his belly and began to count the ceiling tiles. One. Two. Three. _You used to be able to do that much longer. When did you get so old?_ Ten. Eleven. Twelve. _How long has it been? Before Heather was born?_ Twenty. . .Thirty. . .Forty. _Do I still disappoint her?_ Suddenly, he was snatched from his thoughts by the crunch of plastic rolling over tile.

Ozzie sat as RJ surfed by on a skateboard. The raccoon turned, circling him as he slowed, and then brought his foot to the ground to stop it. At the rear of the board were two sixteen-ounce sodas and a pack of bendy straws. These he placed on the ground, shoving the skateboard into the distance with his foot.

"Ta-da!" RJ said, flashing a toothy smile as his hands swayed over his head. He untwisted one of the caps with a loud hiss, offering the beverage. "Drink up, buddy."

"Thanks for getting these." Ozzie pulled a straw from the box, twisted it to his desired angle, and then popped it into the bottle. After a moment to enjoy the fizz, along with the burning sensation as it slid down, he looked up to catch RJ facing him from the table.

In his hand was a dethorned rose. "For you," he said with a smirk, bowing and then holding out the flower. "Shall we tango?" As he came upright once more, he began a shuffle that ended in a yelp as the rose fell to the floor. He clutched his back, biting his lip.

Ozzie sighed, shaking his head. "Please don't tell me you're still okay. You're hurt and need to rest for a while. It's okay. I'll bring you anything you need."

"No, I'm fine, it was my back that time. I think it's just sore from carrying Verne all the time."

"That turtle sure can bring down a good day, but I think it was the crash. In fact, I'm positively convinced. You've been having trouble since it happened. Sit down RJ. Please?"

"Well, I'm not! Raccoons can't get h—yow!" he yelped again, biting a quivering lip. His voice became a pained squeak. "Okay okay, maybe we can." Grabbing a bag of chocolate, he hobbled over to Ozzie and then sat. With a sigh, he tore open the bag and unwrapped a few pieces before popping them into his mouth. A scowl drifted across his face as he chewed, followed by a meek smile as the sugar found its way to his brain. He leaned back and peacefully hummed, taking a few more.

The humming only intensified as he felt a pair of hands kneading his shoulders. "Say, that's kind of nice," he cooed, leaning into the massage. His eyes began to lid.

Ozzie grinned. "Is it? I was told once I had magic hands."

"Oh you do. You do." He shivered, his fur bristling in a wave down to the tail. "You probably don't have to do this, you know."

Ozzie replied by continuing to rub his back, using firm pressure as he traced the dark trail of fur that traveled down his spine. "Where does it hurt most?"

"Mmm. A little lower."

His palm traveled in a firm circle around the lower back. Although his touch was firm, he took care not to aggravate any potential bruises or breaks. Ozzie then worked back up to the shoulders as he was treated to a round of intense purring. Smiling, he brushed up and down the arms, parting the coarse fur.

Leaning forward, RJ grabbed a drink and straw, and began to sip with the bottle between his legs. His back relaxed while his tongue tangled with the fizz; he swished, finally swallowing as the carbonation subsided. A burp escaped through his nose, burning it along with his throat. "Ah, that's the sweet stuff," he said, eyes half lidded.

"What is?"

"Both." After a moment he tossed the straw and gulped down the rest of the beverage. He cooed, letting another burp tingle his nostrils before leaning forward to stretch his back; an audible sloshing came from his full belly as the drink settled. "Hey man, do you think you could put those magic hands of yours to work on my tail? That might be sore too."

"Might be?"

"Maybe," he chuckled.

Ozzie paused, his hands lifting away from the fur. "Now wait a minute. You were telling me not to mess it up earlier, and I think you were serious. Are you sure this is you talking and not just the sugar?"

"Ozzie, my easily startled friend, of course not." He sat upward again, looking over his shoulder enough to catch a pair of wide eyes and a slackened jaw. "Why would I want you using it to stay on the scooter? The second you lost your balance I could have been out a limb."

"Well," he began as he felt the tail brushing against his side. "That does make sense. And, hehe, that tickles."

"Naturally."

With a reluctant nod, he eased his trembling hands to the tail, pulling away at the last second as though it were scalding. He then let them drift back, resting in the middle. Ozzie caught his breath as his heart became a battering ram to his ribs. Upon hearing the purrs resume, he cradled it while using the other hand to trace around each ring up to the base, and then back to the tip where he gently squeezed. The fur was as rough as on his back, at times resembling a bundle of miniature pine needles.

"Maybe you should try some conditioner," Ozzie suggested while stroking the length of the tail. "I hear it makes you silky smooth and shiny."

RJ only chirped in reply, as he was too busy enjoying himself to say that he did not need any. His eyes closed, his head bobbed, and his hands and feet tapped the tile as though he were moved by music only he could hear. Had his tail been free, it would have swished as well.

Ozzie grinned, beginning to relax as he was pleased that he was pleasing. Lifting the tail by the tip, he scratched underneath, wiggling his fingers in a light, playful motion. Within the same instant he was interrupted by another shiver, this one more intense than the last. His brow rose as he saw RJ's feet clench tightly and then relax as he exhaled.

"Okay, that was _really_ good, " RJ shuddered. He continued to purr as he turned sideways, his excited tail doing its best helicopter impression for a moment. "So good in fact, I'm going to get you another treat." He sprung to his feet and stepped over to the table as he called, "Open your mouth and close your eyes!"

Ozzie did as he was instructed, opening his mouth wide enough that it appeared he was seeing the dentist. In turn, even the security cameras could see down his throat. His dark, leathery ears swiveled to the sound of disturbed plastic, followed by a scraping of cardboard. He heard claws striking tile, and then caught RJ's scent growing stronger as he felt the now familiar warmth radiating from his body. Along the length of his tongue came a light pressure—one, two, three—followed by a sweetness that filled his mouth and soothed his mind.

"Danicious," he said, seducing the chocolates with his tongue before biting into them. The internal flavors burst forth as though from a broken dam. Strawberry, mint, and almond melted into a whirlpool of chocolate that enraptured his body in a warm blanket of euphoria. Shivering and sighing in delight, he opened his eyes to find RJ standing before him, an opened heart-shaped box of chocolates cradled in one arm. "What were those positively heavenly things?"

"Why, they're only the best humans can buy, or raccoons can permanently borrow. Have another? And yes, dey are danicious," he teased, taking a fourth from the box."

"Do you have to ask?" Without waiting for a reply, Ozzie snatched the treat, plucking it from RJ's fingers with his tongue. He swallowed much more quickly than the last, and then licked his lips. "Oh these are so good. Mmm, so good so good so good."

"Now I know what turns on the Oz man," RJ chuckled as he wiped his fingers on his side. "Maybe I should just give you the box."

"Would you?"

As he presented it, the offering was snatched from his grasp. He watched in amusement as Ozzie began to vacuum the remainder of the contents. "Atta boy. I'm glad you're enjoying them."

"Mm, my mam," he said with his cheeks bulging from chocolate, while not bothering to pull his muzzle from the box.

"Good." RJ sighed happily, giving a playful rub between his ears. "You know, I'm not always proud of who I am, but times like this make me glad I had to spend so many years stealing to survive. We wouldn't be sharing this night and you'd be in that log, freezing to death, eating bark, and sleeping with Mildude."

"I'm enjoying my night too." Ozzie licked his lips again as he downed the last of the chocolate and tossed the box to the side.

"Clearly."

"Are there any more?"

RJ gasped, holding a clenched first over his chest. He forced his lip to quiver. "Here I am bearing my soul to you, and all you can think about is stuffing your face?"

"RJ," he said flatly, narrowing his brow.

"What?"

"Are you telling me _you_ aren't thinking of that? Man, you're definitely high! I had my doubts, but you've proved it."

"Maybe a little," RJ snickered, his eyes falling to the empty bottle and candy boxes "But I mean it! Really, I do! You and I never get to do things like this, and don't tell anyone, but I've wanted to for a long time. I know I can relate to you more than the others."

Ozzie's eyes drifted to the display, searching for another of the magic boxes. Giving up for the moment, he met RJ's baby blues. "I think you mentioned that all ready, but I agree."

"Yeah, heh," he said with a weak laugh. "Thanks for the back and tail rub."

"For such a good friend it's my pleasure! I remember how much I used to love it."

"From Heather's mom?"

Ozzie nodded as his ears sunk. "Yeah, but I'm okay."

RJ grinned, rubbing between his ears again, and then brushing the messed up fur back in place. "That's the spirit. Like the song says, don't worry, be happy! And hey, you've got me to keep you company. Right, right?"

"I do. Shall we have some more?"

"Definitely." As RJ reached for a new box, he paused, gently scratching Ozzie's back. "Actually, you made me think about something."

He cooed from the scratch, leaning against his friend. "What is it?"

"I don't know how long you've been alone, but I guess it's been a while. You know I never have any luck, which I know is surprising because I'm so irresistible. The only close friendship I've ever had—if you want to call it that—was doing the dirty work for Vincent, and let me tell you, having to be submissive to anyone that weighs six hundred pounds is no picnic. I was wondering, I mean, ah, dangit."

"What is it, RJ? I don't mind, whatever you have to say."

RJ turned his head, unwrapping a piece of chocolate that was at his side. His eyes fell to the front door, slowly drifting to the checkout counters, and then remained there, not focusing on anything in particular. As he exhaled a long, slow breath, he felt an arm wrap around his back, hugging tenderly. The embrace jarred his ribs, but being too comforted, he did not make a sound. With a sigh of surrender, he leaned against Ozzie, resting his head on his shoulder. "This shouldn't be as nice as it is."

"I'm enjoying it too," Ozzie said, smiling and stroking his side. "I must say I'm thankful for it."

"I remember when Hammy first hugged me," RJ began after a moment, idly rolling the nearby leg fur in his fingers. "It was like a lost part of my soul came back from somewhere. I didn't know what to think at first, but later I realized how much it meant to me. I wish I didn't have to almost lose everyone to see it."

"And we forgive you. You did the right thing in the end and we know how frightened you were."

Ashamed, RJ grumbled and sighed. "Yeah, thanks. Please, _please_ don't ever tell Verne I'm talking to you like this."

"Don't worry, I won't. Is this what you were having trouble saying?"

"Well, no. Um," he began, hands trembling. "Maybe we could try to be around for each other more. And maybe when we have times like this, when we're alone, we could be more like mates, at least until we find something real. Like I said, I'm hopeless, and you're alone. I really hate to see you like that."

Ozzie rested his muzzle on RJ's head, his warm breath rustling the fur. Before speaking, he gave another firm hug, holding it much longer than the one prior.

"Oh, RJ. I would truly love that!"

"Really?" he asked, sitting up to check his face for any signs of dishonesty.

"Really! I couldn't ask for a better friend!"

RJ leaned against him once more, gently nuzzling the shoulder. "I'd like to sit with you a bit longer, but then let's get back to the real reason we're here," he said, his grin hidden in Ozzie's arm.

"Definitely."

ooo

_Why, when you were a young raccoon!_

_When I was a young raccoon!_

_Very nice._

_Thanks._

_You found your aroma lacked a certain appeal_

_You could clear the expressway after every meal._

_I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned_

_And it hurt that my bear never stood downwind_

_And oh the shame!_

_You were ashamed!_

_Thought of changin' my name!_

_What's in a name?_

_And I got downhearted—_

—_How did ya feel?_

_Everytime that I—_

—_RJ, not in front of the cupcake!_

"Oh, it doesn't care. It only has to sit there and be delicious," RJ said as he lay on his back. His head rolled to the side to glance at the one that was left. It sat there at arm's length, its swirled frosted holding still while the room spun. He weakly swung his arm at it, only managing to strike air and tile. Squinting, he pointed at the cupcake and taunted it for a moment, before deciding to give his attention elsewhere.

Rolling to his right, he ended up on top of Ozzie who gasped from the sudden pressure, and then returned the toothy grin that was flashed in his direction. He placed his hands on the oppossum's chest, scratching as he worked down to the arms, pinning them near the shoulder. "One of us," he began before being interrupted by a burp, "is going to have to eat him. He's all alone man! We can't let that happen!"

"Oh dear, no," Ozzie replied as he playfully poked RJ's belly. "He has to get in there with his friends. Unless I get it first."

"And how will that ever happen?" he asked, suddenly gripping the arms again to stabilize himself until the room held still.

"Well," he said, looked away as he pretended to think. "You can't get it if I'm closer!" With a quick flick of his tail, he surged to the right, sending RJ to the floor, who landed on his chest away from the cupcake. Seeing that he was momentarily stunned, Ozzie scurried over to it, scooping the cupcake into his grasp. As he undressed the pink cake, a gray ball of fur tackled him the side, sending him onto his back. Looking up he saw his treasure spinning in midair, coming to him in freefall. However, he also saw RJ, who had fallen on top of him reaching up for it; he snatched it from the air and finished unwrapping the cake.

"Looks like we're back where we started," RJ teased, his tail patting Ozzie's legs. "And looks like this is back where it belongs."

"Not necessarily, my friend. I know your secret weakness."

"Now now. We don't have any twinkies."

"Fah! That's not a secret!" Ozzie reached forward, his fingertips finding their way to his sides. With a ferocious tickle, RJ became helpless. His arm trembled until his hand began to shake as well, the grip loosening. In his attempts to protect himself he once again found himself on his back; his feet hung in the air for a moment as his tail fell near Ozzie's muzzle, who blew it out of the way with a quick puff.

The cupcake came back to RJ a moment later with a splat, although it did not end up where he would have preferred. Upside down on his chest, it left a pink spot with a ring of smaller icing specks around it. Scooting off of his friend, he sat and rubbed his head as he pulled the cake off of his fur. "Ah," he smiled. "Looks like I got it after all." Not a second was wasted to finish it. He licked his lips and flashed a toothy grin, showing his icing coated teeth that were licked clean a moment later.

"Hm," Ozzie said, crawling next to him and pointing at the spot on his chest. "You didn't get it all, did you?"

His teeth continued to shine. "Well, if you want it, don't say I was never generous." He relaxed, leaning back on his arms.

Leaning in, he drew his tongue over the icing, parting the fur up and down. As he mopped up each bit, his ears turned to the sound of humming and felt RJ shivering against his muzzle. Some of the icing had stained itself so well into the fur that he had to nearly vacuum it off with his mouth. A tender hand brushed along his back, and Ozzie too began to purr, nuzzling against his chest.

"You didn't have to stop," RJ cooed, still brushing his back.

"Mmm," Ozzie said, yawning while his eyes peacefully closed. "I did get it all."

"I don't think you did."

He sat, inspecting the damp patch of fur. "No, I did. Look. It's all clean."

RJ chuckled, scratching behind his ears. "I think you left some. Open your mouth and say 'ah.'"

"Aaah."

"Yep, right there. Your tongue looks like an after dinner mint."

"Now RJ, surely you aren't going to—"

"—oh yes I am. I'm not letting good icing go to waste! "

"Okay, I'm going to faint now." Ozzie's eyes began a gradual turn into the back his head.

RJ wrapped an arm around his back, pulling forward. "No no no, no you're not! Now relax, you're going to like this." Upon feeling his friend going limp, he added his other arm for extra support, gently rubbing the back of his neck. "Come on buddy. I love you."

Suddenly, Ozzie became rigid. "What?!"

"Um, um," RJ choked, his eyes darting to and fro. "Did I say that? I mean that, um, I mean that I—yeah, okay I guess I do." Wincing, he turned his head and sighed. "I'm not good with stuff like this."

"No RJ, I'm just not either. You surprised me, that's all. I think it's great that you feel that way, even if it is the sugar talking."

"I don't even know."

"Well, don't worry," Ozzie said, leaning in with firm hug. "Because I agree."

He opened one eye, turning his head back with caution. "You do?"

"Yes," he replied with a smirk, sticking out his tongue. "I agree that you missed a spot."

His other eye opened slowly as he finally returned the hug. "I guess I did say I can't waste food," he chuckled, a hand walking up Ozzie's chest to scratch under his chin. As he leaned in, he closed his eyes and purred, licking over the dark lips. Finally their tongues met, and much to his surprise, Ozzie began to lick back after a few strokes. He continued even after the sweet icing was gone, his body overcome with chills that remained once he paused for air.

"Wow," they both said in unison after a few deep breaths.

"Wow," RJ said again, still panting as though he had run a marathon. "I know the icing is gone, but care for another round?"

Ozzie dried his mouth with the back of his hand, and then leaned against RJ's shoulder. "Oh man, I shouldn't have liked that as much as I did. But yes, I would love to, let's just save some for later, okay? After all we've done today, I could use some rest."

"I could too, honestly," he yawned. "I guess there's just one more thing to say before we do."

"Happy Valentine's Day!"

In surprise, they both looked up as a red-orange blur flashed across the floor, stopping just before them. "_Wooooow, _you guys made a _mess!!_" the squirrel said as he spun around to check out the various opened boxes and plastic wrappers strewn about the floor. "I can't believe I found you!" Hammy rapidly drummed his fingers together as he gazed up at them, eyes wide and shining with relief.

"I, yeah, yeah I can't believe it either," RJ said in all honesty once the surprise had worn off. "How'd you find us? And how'd you get in?"

Hammy tapped his head, jaw dropping for a moment before he spoke. "Duh! I heard you talking when you were on the log and you woke us all up and we know you're here I just didn't know where it was and oh my goodness I didn't know _which_ Key-Mart you were going to or how to get here so I had to guess and I was wrong the first time or was it the third and now here I am because I came through the air duct and I missed you so much I thought you were dead!" He gasped for air, opened his mouth as though he were going to continue, and then collapsed against RJ. His large bushy tail had a spasm once they made contact.

RJ gasped as the breath escaped him. "We're just fine," he said, patting Hammy on the back, which resulted in a thunderous thumping of the leg. He turned to Ozzie with a pleading glance.

Ozzie nodded, stepping around to their sides as he gave the squirrel a pat of his own. "You did such a good job, Hammy! We may never have made it home without you. Could you please show us the way?"

"Oh, oh," Hammy groaned, closing his eyes and rubbing his temple. "I forgot where I came in!"

"How could you do that?"

"I don't know but I'll find it, don't worry! We're gonna get out of here just follow me, okay?" he said, motioning to the other end of the store. His tail twitched feverishly.

"Right, yeah we'll do that," RJ murmered. The room was still spinning in his mind. "Just go slowly. _Slowly_. We're tired and full of chocolate."

The three casually searched the store as Hammy lead the way with a proud strut. RJ and Ozzie were more than happy to let him, even if it took until sunrise to escape. Not wishing to draw too much attention, they resisted holding onto each other while they walked, although they exchanged playfully quick scratches and rubs as they circled the aisles; eventually RJ had to shield his eyes from the swinging tail in front of them as it was leading to further seasickness, and so he gave his friend his full attention without regret.

After a lap around the store, Hammy remembered the stock room and lead them there. He pointed to the opened air vent, high above a tower of overstocked shelves. They helped one another climb to the top, and once they had reached a point of safety, agreed to rest until morning. Huddled together, RJ waited for Hammy to fall asleep, and then took Ozzie's hand, gently nibbling his shoulder. At last he kissed his muzzle, and then leaned against him, eyes closing as a night of peaceful dreams welcomed him to sleep. "Until next time," he whispered.


End file.
